I really did pass first year Botany with an A.

We nixed the idea of a garden. 

Did I mention that we were looking into square foot gardening? Check it out :: here :: From what I can tell, you build square boxes, divvy it up into square sections and you magically grow awesome veggies ...and  fruit? Not sure about the fruit...but hell, why not.  Yes. You magically grow awesome fruits and veggies allll summer.

*Nobody will listen to me anyways by the time they finish reading this.*

I was filled with fantasies about walking into the backyard and picking out veggies for our dinner salad every night.  Apparently with this method, you don't really need to weed. (Don't quote me on that.) We were going to be all cool, green and eco-y this year with our backyard. I was thinking that we would save all this money and cut our grocery bill by 20% (okay, I made up that number) by growing our own fruits and veggies. Nevermind the fact that we buy two zucchinis and three tomatoes every week versus the 8 apples and 6 bananas that would be impossible for us to grow this summer...and that I've let salad mix compost IN our fridge more times than R would like to acknowledge

Numbers aside, reality tried to hint at me after I spent two weeks admiring the blooming magnolias in our neighbourhood. I even took pictures of them with my Blackberry. I even marveled and GUSHED at the one growing in our neighbour's backyard while he stared at me - no doubt slightly uncomfortable by my sudden and unexpected enthusiasm for his magnolia tree. I forced R into a conversation about how much I loved magnolias, how they were Jane's favourite tree but that I didn't think I would like to have one because they bloom for two seconds and then get messy afterwards. 

Then one Saturday, a few weeks ago, I walked to the back of OUR yard and around the corner.

No freakin' shit.


We own one.

Then I did the same thing last weekend. We were walking down the street with the girls and I made R stop and smell a lilac tree (bush?). He had a cold, so I practically shoved a bloom up his nose because I really wanted him to smell how yummy it was. That afternoon, I walked to the back of our yard...

... and yeah... we own a lilac bush (tree?) too.

We also have some funky looking tulips ....

...and some lily of the valley's ...

There's a few random bushes as well. Most of which have either been trampled down, dug out or stripped bare of any greenery due to the combined efforts of the girls.  Actually, I can't blame it all on the girls. I pulled an entire plant out the other day when I was trying to get all the brown stalks off. So I made ONE hole. The rest of them belong to Dayna and Nori's dirt-flying competitions. 

Reality then whacked me upside the head when we spent a few hours raking up all the dead leaves left over from the fall. I was giving myself the heebie-jeebies every time I lifted a pile of leaves to reveal the wet underside and all the icky, crawly things went scurrying everywhere. The first time I shrieked, R just looked up and said very patiently: "It's nature."  That's just ...icky. NATURE is when we were walking in the ravine and we saw two hawks tearing apart a groundhog. 

Fast forward to mother's day weekend and I was trying to help by cleaning out the leaves in our back stairwell and I ended up shrieking "TOO MANY LEGS! TOO MANY LEGS!". A pathetically obvious attempt for R to come and rescue me. Finally, I gave up (since he was clearly not coming) and ran squealing into the backyard and danced around to stop my skin crawling. Mr. Ossi just looked at me - not much fazes him -  while R said to me: "I THOUGHT I heard some funny noises. Was that you?" Not much fazes him either.

Of course it was ME!  That was not the romantic response I was looking for.

This is coming from the man who spent a week laughing about the time that I went to Blue Mountain, saw flies in our room and told the front desk that there were 12 flies in our room. TWELVE.  She was also quite unsympathetic and told me "Welcome to the country." And then firmly assured me that although they keep spare towels, toothbrushes and shampoos for their guests, they did not have any fly swatters. Not exactly the romantic or helpful response there either. We were clearly not on the same frequency.  R was highly amused that it bothered me enough to report it and that I had to report the exact number of them.

Anyways, country crap aside, there's really no way we would realistically devote the time and energy to nuturing a garden this summer.  It's definitely on the list for next year. Someone just needs to invent a bug free garden, is all.

As a compromise I'm going to try and buy local at the farmer's markets which are starting to pop up in and around London.  We made this decision about two weeks ago and have yet to visit one of the big ones.  We seem to keep missing them. We've tried the small one downtown but it's mostly herb or tomato plants, bison and some rhubarb at the moment. I've come to the realization that buying local also implies that you know how to cook meals that involve more than "just add water". My staple.

I barely shake 'n bake chicken. What the heck would I do with a bison?

... and seriously, if someone asked you right now, what a rhubarb looked like... would you be able to describe it?  Just sayin'.